Innocence is Blindness
by Krisandra
Summary: Integra Hellsing was just your average twelve year old, forum obsessed girl...then one day she met Alucard, the undead shape shifter. Oh happy joy.
1. Chapter 1

El Manana Chica_'s first ever _Hellsing _fanfiction is dedicated to the lovely, the coolest, the funnest authoress and the BEST friend ever: _Neogami _Everyone clap for _Neogami_!  
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_(silence)  
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_Chey: SHE SAID CLAP! (goes all medieval and dangerous)  
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_((readers clap))  
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El Manana Chica does NOT own Hellsing and is, quite frankly, getting tired of all the freakin' disclaimers.

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Integra Hellsing was a young, rather over imaginative twelve-year-old when she met Alucard, the undead shape-shifter. Where this shape shifter came from, no one ever found out. Getting back to our tale...

Integra Hellsing had just finished replying to a serious topic on one of her many RPG forums when she felt like taking a walk. Straight, right, right, left, another left, right, right, right, and finally she found the front door. Opening it, the young Hellsing found a rather…amusing sight.

There was a man, pale as death itself, wearing an outfit consisting of shades of black and red, was running like he had had too many cappuccinos.

"HELP ME!" he screamed, fleeing from an innocent-looking Terrier dog whose ID tag read Toto.

"It's an innocent little dog, you silly man!" Integra laughed psychotically as she fell down the many stone steps that lead to the mansion.

"No, it's NOT!" Alucard shrieked. "It's EVIL!" and at _that_ particular moment, as if the man who was pale as death had spoken the magic words, Toto's face twisted into another deformed face that belonged to a bitch known as Hilde and bit Alu's…well, you know…

Integra's eyes widened tenfold. "Holy Jeebus of the Granola, help this man whose name I do not know!"

Out of the sky came a beautiful white light from which descended a Granola bar in a black, red, and REALLY shiny wrapper. "Miss Hellsing," the granola bar's voice called out, "This is Alucard, the Undead Shape Shifter From Where I Do No Know! Help him defeat this evil dog and you shall receive ten thousand granola servants!" then the light and the granola bar in its uber waha shiny wrapper was gone.

Bowing and thanking Jeebus, Integra pulled out a gun and shot the dog in the butt so it would let go of Alu's…well, you know…

Whimpering, Toto, the evil dog of doom, dropped to the ground and glared at Integra, who shot Toto's 'jewels' so to speak. Toto then ran away, never to return…Or so they thought…

"THANK YOU!" Alucard glomped the blonde with such happiness that they both fell, undead shape shifter on top of twelve-year-old human.

"You're….welcome?" Integra responded somewhat awkwardly, blushing at realization of the 'position' her and Alucard were in.

"Sorry!" the undead shape shifter got off the mortal girl and pulled her to her feet, catching her when she stumbled. "I am forever un your debt," he bowed and tipped his crimson 'pimp' hat to her. "I am…forever yours?"

Integra looked at him in confusion. "What do you mean, 'forever yours', exactly?"

"You, Miss Hellsing, are now my mistress. You have the power to call me whenever you need me or just want my company."

An evil laugh followed this explanation. "And oh what fun it is to have my own little pet."

The moral of the story: innocence is, indeed and within itself, blindness.  
  
OWARI/FIN

_DONE! If you want a sequel or another chapter, lemme know, k? Kay._


	2. Of Preps and Ruined Plans

This chapter is dedicated to the first three reviewers of Innocence is Blind: _Tsubasa Aska, Morality, and Neogami_! Yay for the reviewers and ONTO THE NEXT CHAPTER!

**Note:** I do **NOT** own Hellsing OR the Cell Block Tango!

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_Chapter II: Of Preps and Ruined Plans  
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It had only been two weeks since Integra Hellsing had come to meet – and own – Alucard, the undead shape shifter. Within those two weeks, Alucard had found himself cleaning the biohazard that was the room of Integra, organizing about two thousand books, all of which listed every forum that the mortal girl had ever joined, including those she had joined then quit, and the ones she was still active in.

At this point of our story, Miss Integra (as Alucard had taken to calling her) Hellsing was at her private school, which held ninety-nine point nine percent preps and point one percent cool people…and had a uniform consisting of a white blazer with a red vest beneath it, a knee-length skirt, a pair of white, loose socks, and brown penny loafer styled shoes. One of the people who were cool in Integra's mind ran up to her and yelled, "Yo, Integra!"

The said person was a girl of 5'6 who had emerald eyes, wearing a dark red hoodie, black cargo pants, black shoes, and her hair was in a braid, totally disregarding the school's rule about wearing the uniform.

"Hi, Shannon-kun," the young Hellsing answered. "Have you by any chance seen…?" she was then cut off by shouting.

"What do you **mean**, detention! I wasn't doing a damn thing to any of those idiotic sluts! Now let me go!" it was the voice of Integra's other friend.

The pair walked to the scene of the shouting and found their friend, Cassarah. Cassarah was 5'5, with slightly pale skin, wild brown hair, dark brown eyes that sometimes changed color, and she was wearing a black Aeropostale hoodie, a pair of black jeans with a weird crimson design at the ankle, and oddly enough…no shoes.

"You know what you did, so apologize this instant!" one of the teachers yelled hotly.

"Cassarah!" Integra called, slightly curious as to what was going on, "What in the name of all that is Goth is going on here?"

"It's a misunderstanding, Integra-sama!" Cassarah answered, rubbing the back of her neck in shame. "I'll fix it, I swear!"

Shannon glared at the crowd of preps angrily and told them that they deserved nothing, especially pie and granola. After that, Integra talked to the teacher and straightened everything out. "Er…thank you, Integra-sama," Cassarah bowed her head sheepishly.

"You are welcome. Now, come fellow Anti-Prep Clan, for I have someone I want you to meet…"

Alucard had just finished vacuuming the main living room when there was a call…_Great_ he thought _another summons…_ "Coming!" he answered, opening the door, surprised to see Integra with two other girls. "Come in, come in," he bowed as he fulfilled his temporary roll of usher.

"Girls, sit in the living room for a moment. I need to talk to my butler," Integra shooed her guests out, leaving her with the undead shape shifter. "Alucard, these girls may not live here or come from this town, but you are to treat them with the same amount of respect and dignity that you treat me with, do you understand?"

"Yes-uh, Miss Integra," he bowed again before he heard one of the other girls call for Integra.

"Coming!" the blond ran into the living room as if she was thankful that she hadn't been alone with her servant any longer than a few minutes.

Shaking his head, Alucard – Alu for short – walked into the living room to see if his master or her guests needed to be served. Attack of the tea parties, here I come…

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Alucard was amazed to see that his mistress and her guests were not having a tea party, but talking about something called 'The Cell Block Tango.' Then Integra started to sing it, and the undead shape-shifter found himself entranced with her voice.

"I betcha you would have done the same!"

Cassarah then replied with, "I met Ezekiel Young from Salt Lake City about two years ago, and he told me he was single. And we hit it off right away, so we started living together. He'd go to work, he'd come home, I'd fix him a drink, get him dinner, and then I found out. _Single_ he told me…_SINGLE MY ASS_. Not only was he married, oh no, he had six wives. One of those Mormons, you know? So that night when he came home, I fixed him his drink as usual. Some guys just can't hold their arsenic…"

Shannon replied with the next three verses, then all the girls sang, "The dirty bum bum bum bum, the dirty bum bum bum…They had it coming, they had it coming, they only had themselves to blame…If you'd have been there, if you'd had seen it, I betcha you would have done the same! I didn't do it, but if I'd done it, how could you tell me I was wrong?"

Alucard applauded rather loudly, then told his master and her guests with great gusto, "Well done, milady and guests, well done!"

Integra's face was suddenly a light shade of pink as she stammered a thank-you to the undead shape-shifter. Cassarah and Shannon exchanged a glance that held plotting and they nodded at each other once. They had a plan, all right, and both girls were going to make sure that it resulted in success.

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Alu saw Integra's guests exchange a glance and nod at each other, which made him wonder what they were up to. He was so caught up in his thoughts that he had to receive a punch on the arm to snap him out of his reverie. "Yes, Master?" he bowed in apology for his lack of attention.

"Would you go bring my guests and I some drinks?" Integra replied, avoiding eye contact with her servant.

"Yes, milady," and with that he was gone.

Cassarah and Shannon busted out in laughter. Phase One of their plan: Make sure that all feelings were mutual.

After calming down, Shannon bluntly asked, "Do you LIKE your butler? And I'm not talking about liking him in the 'master-friend' type of way, either!"

Integra's face was red as could be at that point. She denied it like there was no tomorrow, but Shannon and Cassarah knew better.

"You do like him, ne?" Cassarah replied, laughing when the blonde shook her head wildly. "I knew it since I stepped into the door. There's something different about him I sense as well…I wonder what it is?"

Integra told the story of how she met Alucard. She had the satisfaction of her friends' facial expressions when she was done.

"Priceless," she muttered. She sighed, "OK, so I DO like him…He's a God-knows-how-many year-old undead shape-shifter and I'm a twelve-year-old mortal. Tell me, exactly how is that supposed to work?"

Little did the three ladies know that Alucard was standing behind the closed door, drink tray in his glove-covered hands. His jaw was almost on the floor, and he was paler than usual, he was so surprised. Then he remembered that glance between the guests and put two and two together. They were trying to play matchmaker, and he had just inevitably ruined their plan.

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_Thus, chapter 2 comes to an end! What will happen to Shannon and Cassarah's plan? Will Integra find out that Alucard was eavesdropping on her? And what on Earth happened to Toto, the Dog of Doom? Review to find out!_


	3. And it Begins

I, EMC, do **NOT** own Hellsing or the parody of The Cell Block Tango. The Alucard Block Tango, parody of The Cell Block Tango, belongs to Neogami. Yay Neogami!

Last Time on Innocence is Blindness: **_His jaw was almost on the floor, and he was paler than usual, he was so surprised. Then he remembered the glance between the guests and put two and two together. They were trying to play matchmaker, and he had just inevitably ruined their plan._**  
  


_Chapter III: And It Begins  
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To begin this part of our tale, a few of the protagonists of our story – Integra, Alucard, Shannon, and Cassarah – were sitting on the floor, talking about what they could to kill of some time.

"We could find Toto and seek revenge," Alucard spoke aloud, his hate for the dog still running high.

"Nah," Integra replied, shaking her head. "Thanks to him, I own you, plus that'd take WAY too long."

Shannon nodded, her face brightening. "How 'bouts a game marathon!"

"Yeah!" Cassarah applauded her friend, "But what would we play…? The only things I can think of are State Ten Truths and Blackmail…"

Integra snapped her fingers and had an expression that some would have mistaken for having a solution to end world hunger. "Ooh! Ooh! We could also play Chug-a-Lug and Chicken!"

Shannon answered with, "Or I Never! That game is the shit!"

While Shannon, Integra, Alucard, and Cassarah were talking and planning their game marathon, they heard a BANG! sound, and saw dust and debris fly into the hallway. After about ten minutes - during which all of them were staring at the wall, sweat-dropping - a young girl with really pretty orange-ish colored hair, blue eyes, and pale skin wearing an anime-styled maid outfit scrambled through a hole in one of the walls. "Hello," she muttered, then with a sudden boost of confidence, added frankly, "My name is Seras Victoria...and I do believe I just blew up one of the walls whilst attempting to cook."

"And Miss Integra says **I'm** a bad cook," Alu mumbled, then found himself rolling on the floor with laughter.

"Miss Victoria, how many times must I tell you to **never** attempt to cook?" An elderly man with a ponytail, cool-looking monocle, and a semi-formal outfit strode into the room. "My apologies, madam," he bowed, "I tried to stop her, and well..." he gestured to the wall, "you know how that went..."

Integra laughed. "It's all right Walter. Say, while you two are here, why don't you two participate in this game marathon we're about to start?"

It was at that point that there was another bang. "Here I AM!" a man in a green shirt and a pair of denim blue jeans with red hair and green eyes randomly glomped Seras Victoria. To Alu and the two guests, he yelled, "The one and only Captain Pip Bernedette is at your service! Now, what were you saying about a game marathon, Sir Hellsing?"

Cassarah and Shannon hurriedly explained how they came up with the idea of the game marathon, and were stuck at choosing what to play first.

"If I may suggest," Seras responded, her face flaring, "how about a nice game of Chicken to start us off?"

Complying with the maid's suggestion, everyone present left the room to change into their bathing suits and grab their towels…

The group met back at the HUGE swimming pool of the Hellsing family. Before they could play the game, however, teams were to be decided.

"I'll partner with Miss Victoria!" Pip shouted, glomping her yet again. Seras blushed at this, but she hesitantly glomped him back.

Integra and Shannon had a stare-down. Finally giving in, Shannon laughed and said, "You know you want to. Plus, referees get a better view!"

Alucard felt something touch his forearm. "Er…would you care to be my partner in combat?" Integra looked up at her servant, who suddenly noticed how pretty her blue eyes were, even though they were concealed behind those glasses. He also noticed his master's blond hair and how the sun hit it at just the right angle.

"Yes, Miss Integra, I will be your partner in combat."

Walter coughed and tapped Cassarah on the shoulder, offering his hand when she turned. Taking it, Cassarah smiled as she was led to the pool's steps, confirming with Shannon who the teams were.  
Shannon cleared her throat. "ATTENTION! The first match of the game is as follows: Seras Victoria and Pip Bernedette versus Walter and Cassarah! Would the said teams please get into the water now?"

The four people called got into the water. Seras sat on Pip's shoulders just as Cassarah was sitting on Walter's. And with the sound of 'Chicken!' the competition began. It appeared that Pip and Walter were evenly matched, and Cassarah was overpowering Seras…

_SPLASH_. Down went Seras and Pip into the water, Seras grabbing Pip for support as they came up. Cassarah and Walter cheered whole-heartedly, then Cassarah stood on Walter's shoulders and jumped into the water.

After the first two teams were dried off, Cassarah had to announce that it was Alucard and Integra versus Shannon and one of the knights that she had picked before they started.

Obviously, Alucard and Integra ruled. Shannon was dropped into the water, and when she hit, she huggled Alu. Integra glared evilly, but was snapped from her reverie when the announcement came for the final elimination match: Cassarah and Walter versus Alucard and Integra. When five minutes passed, Walter let go of Alu's hands, grabbed Cassarah's feet, then dropped into the light blue liquid.

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When everyone was inside, dried off and changed into their pajamas, Cassarah and Walter shared a grin. "Why don't we play a little game called Truth or Dare…?" both voices came in unison.

Alucard revealed his fangs, which caused Shannon to glomp him once more. Not only did Shannon glomp him, oh no, she was cuddling him. Naturally, Integra looked like she was about to explode when she surprised herself with the phrase….

"Bring it on."


End file.
